Anna (acm28) wrote in partners_of_ftm,
Anna
acm28
partners_of_ftm

Just Starting Transition

Hello all,

I'm not sure how active this community is, but I need some help and I don't have anywhere else to turn to. I am cis-gendered female and attracted to men, women, transmen, transwomen, genderqueer, etc. I use the word queer to describe myself, and bisexual to clarify, since a lot of words don't seem to cover exactly who I am.

Anyway, I go to a womens college, and recently started dating someone in my class. After three months together, she told me that sometimes she felt more like a man, and in private I began to use masculine pronouns (just to try it out, at first). He is coming out to more and more people (close friends, family) and I'm becoming more and more comfortable with calling him my boyfriend instead of my girlfriend. He had already changed his name from a very female name to a female version of a male name, so I haven't had much trouble adjusting to spelling his name slightly differently.
The thing is, he's still not 100% sure that he wants to transition. He's scared that people won't treat him like a "real man" and will just consider him "a girl that thinks she's a guy." I disagree, I think that with top surgery and on T (both things that he said he wants if he decides to transition) it would be super easy for him to pass. He's seeing a therapist and working through it, but I'm not really sure how to support him other than to answer the phone when he calls and listen to whatever he needs to say.

Another wrench to throw in the works, we're both going abroad next semester. We'll be long-distance for the next six months, with one planned visit (we'll both be in Europe, but travel isn't cheap or fast and our schedules are quite busy). If he decides to go on T he wants to as soon as possible, possibly starting it while abroad. I've heard that T can shift your sexuality and also increase your sex drive. He's already told me that he has sex with men and can have one night stands (or boy toys, or friends with benefits) and not get emotionally attached. I'm scared that with me so far away and his sex drive in overdrive, he'll fall for someone else. I'm especially scared that his attractions will shift from women to men, and I just won't be attractive to him any more.
It's probably worth noting that this is my first healthy intimate relationship, the first time I've been this emotionally invested in a relationship, and I have a pretty intense fear of losing him (but what if I'm too clingy or too needy and that scares him away, etc.)

I know that everything's personal, depends on the guy, etc. but can anyone speak from personal experience here? Am I going to lose my (temporarily long distance) boyfriend to T? What can I do?
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