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We Love FTMs

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Anyone? [30 Jan 2013|01:10pm]
sagapwxmwro
Is anyone still active in this group?
7 comments|post comment

So glad this group exists! [10 Oct 2012|02:02pm]
curlytop683
When I met my boyfriend, it was before his transition began and even before he was admitting to himself or other people that he was a ftm. I identified as a lesbian at the time, and then during the first few months of our relationship he came out to me as transgender. Since then we have been making a lot of progress, both in our relationship and in his transition- but I am still confused as to what to label myself as. I don't want to call myself a lesbian, because I don't want my boyfriend to think that I am not attracted to him or that I want to be with women. I don't feel comfortable identifying myself as straight either. Am I bisexual? I asked my boyfriend but he doesn't really understand my need to define it. Help! 
8 comments|post comment

Just Starting Transition [22 Dec 2011|09:55am]

acm28
Hello all,

I'm not sure how active this community is, but I need some help and I don't have anywhere else to turn to. I am cis-gendered female and attracted to men, women, transmen, transwomen, genderqueer, etc. I use the word queer to describe myself, and bisexual to clarify, since a lot of words don't seem to cover exactly who I am.

Anyway, I go to a womens college, and recently started dating someone in my class. After three months together, she told me that sometimes she felt more like a man, and in private I began to use masculine pronouns (just to try it out, at first). He is coming out to more and more people (close friends, family) and I'm becoming more and more comfortable with calling him my boyfriend instead of my girlfriend. He had already changed his name from a very female name to a female version of a male name, so I haven't had much trouble adjusting to spelling his name slightly differently.
The thing is, he's still not 100% sure that he wants to transition. He's scared that people won't treat him like a "real man" and will just consider him "a girl that thinks she's a guy." I disagree, I think that with top surgery and on T (both things that he said he wants if he decides to transition) it would be super easy for him to pass. He's seeing a therapist and working through it, but I'm not really sure how to support him other than to answer the phone when he calls and listen to whatever he needs to say.

Another wrench to throw in the works, we're both going abroad next semester. We'll be long-distance for the next six months, with one planned visit (we'll both be in Europe, but travel isn't cheap or fast and our schedules are quite busy). If he decides to go on T he wants to as soon as possible, possibly starting it while abroad. I've heard that T can shift your sexuality and also increase your sex drive. He's already told me that he has sex with men and can have one night stands (or boy toys, or friends with benefits) and not get emotionally attached. I'm scared that with me so far away and his sex drive in overdrive, he'll fall for someone else. I'm especially scared that his attractions will shift from women to men, and I just won't be attractive to him any more.
It's probably worth noting that this is my first healthy intimate relationship, the first time I've been this emotionally invested in a relationship, and I have a pretty intense fear of losing him (but what if I'm too clingy or too needy and that scares him away, etc.)

I know that everything's personal, depends on the guy, etc. but can anyone speak from personal experience here? Am I going to lose my (temporarily long distance) boyfriend to T? What can I do?
2 comments|post comment

Seeking Partners of FTMs to Participate in Study [03 Oct 2011|04:42pm]
katelynnb

Hello,


I am a graduate student in Sociology at UC, Santa Barbara. I am looking for partners of transgender people to participate in an interview study. Do you meet the following criteria?: 

*Your partner identifies as female-to-male, or on a feminine-to-masculine spectrum

*Your partner is currently undergoing gender transition, or made transition during the course of your relationship

If so, and if you would like to participate or to ask any questions first, please contact me at k_bishop@umail.ucsb.edu.

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,


Katelynn Bishop



1 comment|post comment

Hi [26 Sep 2011|10:38pm]
mikey_indie
My name is Mikey (I am a chick) and I have just started dating a FTM. I am worried that I may not be able to support him as much as other people can. I have really strong feelings for him, have had since the day I met him. The other thing is I have an issue of sometimes using the proper pro-nouns. He says it doesn't bother him as much as I think it does, but I don't want him to be secretly pissed off at me. I am just really hoping to find other partners that can perhaps give me some advice. Thanks

~Mikey
3 comments|post comment

So Hi... [23 Aug 2011|10:28pm]

pinklilybit
[ mood | complacent ]

I don't know if anyone is even still active in this community, as it appears the last post was back in May. I have been scouring the internet looking for some support as a partner to a transman/FTM/genderqueer dude, particularly anyone that might have kids, young kids would be even better. My partner came out to me fairly early on in our relationship and we have been navigating the waters of coming out to others and figuring out where he wants to take his transition next fairly well over the last few months. We have a 6 year old daughter (mine from my first marriage) and we have been struggling with her questions as well as how/when to tell others about his transition, how much to tell them, what questions are and are not appropriate etc etc etc.

I just so desperately want to find some people that get it, that have been on this end of the transition. We have several genderqueer/trans friends, but they are all partnered with other genderqueer/trans individuals, or partners that have always identified as straight, leaving me feeling a little...out of the loop maybe? It feels like there is this club that I am somewhat a part of, like I can sell stuff at the bake sale, but don't get to go to the meetings if that makes any sense. I would like to find my own club and get some feed back from others who have been there/are there. Anyway, if you don't like posting on LJ, feel free to e-mail me pinklilybit@gmail.com or check out my real blog Http://www.pinklilybit.wordpress.com or the LJ one I started tonight which is going to follow me through my partners transition. Whether its recognized or not, partners are going through a transition too, and we need an outlet and support just as much as our guys.

So, that was some ramble...anyway hope to speak with some of you soon!

8 comments|post comment

New Here [31 May 2011|01:14pm]

grandwoobah
Hey Peeps,

My name is Woo... I just joined this group. I'm a 39 y/o African American who resides in the South Jersey 'burbs of Philadelphia. I am a former lesbian/turned "straight girl" who's partnered with an FTM, and I appreciate the opportunity to connect with you all.

About me: I have an adult son and vascillate between wanting more kids and being content to wait for grandchildren. I'm a full-time seminary student at LTSP in Philly. Don't let the winking Jesus icon scare you away!  My faith is central to who I am, but I will not shove it down anyone's thoat. Your relationship to the Divine - or lack thereof - is just that... your relationship. No one has the right to dictate what that looks like or how it operates.  That being said, a lot of my personal journal posts have to do with church (I'm also an associate pastor at a church in North Philly), seminary, and the like... friend me if you dare!  :)

Thanks for the welcome,
Woo
2 comments|post comment

I love my boy [18 May 2011|08:33pm]

kreative_kay
[ mood | loved ]

Hi guys! My name is Katy and I'm 22 years old.



This is me and my boy, Kyden (he pronounces it like Kayden.) I am head over heels in love with him and I can't believe how lucky I am to have found him. We were casual acquaintances for a few months before something clicked and we started dating. Everything moved so fast with him, but they say when you know, you know. At the beginning of the school year, i was dating another FTM so I joined a group called Transpectrum at my school and in the second semester I ran against Kyden for financial chair in the group after the current one dropped out. I won. After my ex and I broke up, the next week, Kyden and I went to a gay conference together with a few other friends on a scholarship. That's when we first go together. I wasn't over my ex totally but he was so patient with me.

He treats me better than anyone ever has before. I have moderate bipolar disorder and he takes care of me when my meds aren't working as good as they should. He accepts me for all of my flaws and loves me for them, not despite them. The biggest problem is the distance, we will be together again in the fall. We've been talking about marriage a lot lately, the only reason we're not engaged yet is because he doesn't have enough money to get a ring; (I'd forgo it, but my mom is a jeweler and it's important to her so it's important to me, making it important to him.) We're moving in together in the fall with two of our friends. Our school has apartments for upperclassmen and we're one of the few couples lucky enough to be able to live together (we're still working on gender-neutral housing) because of the silly rules. I love being able to say I live with my boyfriend on campus. I have learned a lot from dating him and my ex-boyfriend. He was so happy the first time he said he needed to wash his packer and I asked where he kept the cornstarch. He was like, "I love it! You come pre-trained!" I have done so much research on my own and I have so much personal experience...they've labeled me a tranny chaser. But in my defense, my first bf was a cross dresser, my last ex was an ftm, and my current one too. Plus most of my friends at school are either trans, gay, or both. I love giving advice and teaching. So much so in fact that I'm going to be a teacher!

Have any of you had to deal with distance? Any suggestions to make it easier?

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Hi [04 May 2011|05:05pm]

prezzubbie
My name is Zoe, i'm 21 years old and i've been dating my ftm fiance kendon for about 3 years now.
Photobucket
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when we met he was pre everything (and still is) and in the closet to everyone but myself and two other close friends. it's never really bothered me besides having to deal with dysphoria outbursts about once a week. when i say deal with, i don't mean for it to sound like it's his fault or anything. I really understand it, it just happens at really unfortunate times and makes me feel really helpless because there's not much i can do besides hug him (which he hates when he's upset). i have always been here for him and was always there for her before i knew of this impending transition.

i feel like without me, he would still be stuck in the same water-treading spot he had been in all his life. That sounds awful but i actually kind of forced therapy upon him -- his motto was always "it's impossible" "it's too expensive" "i don't have time" etc. so i took it upon myself to locate a few therapist options and call and make appointments for him to kind of nudge this along. i even took it upon myself to pay for sessions when he couldn't afford it that week. the first therapist he saw about a year ago, but it didn't really work out. she was distant and relatively useless, but cheap. he stopped seeing her after like 3 sessions and another 10 months or so went by of intense dysphoria and days where he would tell me he wished we weren't alive. then we found his current therapist, who has since written his testosterone letter. he has an appointment with a naturopathic endocrinologist next week.

all of this is well and good. he is the happiest i've ever seen him. and i am completely, utterly miserable. i work two part-time jobs in the mall averaging about 35 hours a week and attend university full-time. i have zero real friends. my last best friend completely betrayed me and for some reason i just find myself feeling completely antisocial. yet i crave companionship and understanding. things have been going a very different direction for him. he recently came out to his parents (who kind of ignore the subject but haven't disowned him or anything), his coworkers (including his transphobic boss who actually came around to it) and two of which have recently become his best friends. he is so thrilled to have friends who accept him, which he never thought he'd have. except i feel forgotten. i was always there for him. even before we dated i embraced this person fully. he gets so excited being called he by them, and yet i refer to him as my boyfriend, my hubby, call him he, refer to our sexual activities in heterosexual manners (although i consider myself at least 85% lesbian) and advocate for him to my own family (who is really accepting).

since i've been working so much i am rarely home, and when i am all i want to do is relax, cuddle, watch tv, but often he is out partying with his new friends, having fun, leaving me home by myself and really upset. i know i should be happy for him, and i am. i really really am. i was always there. i saw him at his worst and loved him through it and i wouldn't change him. i just wish he would see how much i've put into our relationship. i wish he WANTED to stay at home and cuddle me. i wish that when i refer to him as masculine and tell him he's so handsome and studly that it made him as happy as when his coworker refers to him as "Bro". but for some reason, it's pretty invisible.

last night we got into a bit of a fight. it started out okay, me assuring him that i rejoice in his happiness but that i'm lonely. and then out of nowhere he brought up a night a month or so ago that i avoided having him meet my new coworkers. at one job, he is out to all my coworkers who are thoroughly supportive. at my other, larger retail job all they know about him is pretty much that he is a cis-gendered male who is engaged to me. it's not even that i don't want them to meet him, that's all fine and dandy. i just like the invisibility of being "straight" at a 99% female work environment. i feel like they judge me all the time, and i'd rather stay under the radar as much as possible. understandably, this hurt him. he came at me like "you have to know that for the rest of your life you're going to be married to a transguy"... like i don't already know that. i asked him if he were to pass constantly if he would ever tell anyone... and he said it doesn't matter. so then why does it matter to him that he is viewed as a biomale at my workplace? and why did he hold a grudge against me for it? he ended up sleeping on the couch, and i ended up staying up all night crying. then today, i had to leave for classes early in the morning. when i came home i found a letter:
"Zoe,
i don't have to tell you how hard discovering myself has been on me, you were there. i dont have to tell you how many nights all i wanted was to close my eyes and never wake up, you were there. why do i feel like i do have to tell you how happy i am, how much i do want to wake up every morning? aren't you here? don't you want to be a part of this? it feels like you dont. one comment from a friend reassuring me that i am accepted, i am loved and i am not judged can make everything else fall to the wayside. yet when i come home i feel judged for wanting that. i feel punished for getting it. i understand that this is hard on you and i am so sorry i put you through this. but you were right... i can't always look to you for support. i cant look to my friends. i have to look to myself. it is being out that has given me the confidence to realize i am my own support. i am okay with myself. i love myself. i need to figure out myself. i will be staying elsewhere for a couple nights. maybe my moms, maybe my friends. i know they have midterms and right now isnt the best time. i just need to breathe some fresh air. i need to figure out what i need. i still love you very much, you know that. nothing will ever change that. i hope you can support me in all that i am and all that i will be, as you always have. always, your ken. ps. you will always be my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and the person i am most grateful for. know that. i love you"

i haven't stopped crying since. i just wish he would have acted like he is grateful for me. ask me how i am. tell me he misses me and loves me. and he does... but more often he's not there when i get home. or if he is, i tell him about my day but he nods his head ignorantly, more focused on his trans-oriented tumblr or youtube stuff on the computer.

i'm just feeling really alone. my family is there for me, but they'll just tell me that kendon is right. that i should find friends of my own. but i don't have any. im not sure i even want any. i need to know my feelings are okay.

i used to worry that kendon would turn 40, have a midlife crisis and leave me. now i worry that this is it.
11 comments|post comment

Top Surgery for my Boyfriend [26 Jan 2011|11:04am]

puffmuppet
[ mood | restless ]

Hey all...
So my boyfriend is having top surgery in Cleveland with Dr. Medalie in less than 2 weeks. He's having a really anxious time right now, as he's never had surgery before and, more importantly, he's very anxious to get good results. It's been a heavy few weeks since he booked the appointment, and is getting more and more intense as we're getting closer.

His mom and I are making the trip with him... she's awesomely supportive of both of us... I'm so glad it's happening although sometimes it's overwhelming to think about (on a practical level... I'm doing OK as far as the "being with someone with no boobs" thing). I'm just taking it day by day, and dealing with his apprehensions and obsessiveness as it comes... part of me is just ready for this process to be over, with him being super happy with the results and swimming in the summer with just trunks on... even though I know I need to be patient, as his recovery is going to take a while.

Anyway- that's where I'm at. Another BIG step in his transition, and mine too, in a lot of ways.

3 comments|post comment

Introduction [22 Jan 2011|12:05am]

theroyalus
Hi folks! I'm Ian, I'm Canadian, I'm joining because I'm dating an FTM man and trans issues are important to me, I love extra-dark chocolate with coffee, and I'm wearing... *checks* never mind, I can't tell you what colour underwear I'm wearing.

To elaborate...Collapse )

So, that's my life right right now. Now that I write it down it seems pretty crazy, like I've thrown every show on Showtime into a blender. But I guess everything seems normal once you get used to it.
2 comments|post comment

[17 Dec 2010|02:50pm]

hey__itsrachel
My boyfriend has been on T about 6 weeks, and has experienced such growth downstairs, that we are now presented with the problem of him being overstimulated, and it's hard to get him off. He get aroused, gets hard, and enjoys sexy time, but actually having an orgasm is difficult. Pretty much the only way he gets off now is when he does it himself.

I never took dysphoria personally (like, when he'd get dysphoric during sex and we'd have to stop.) but I am feeling down on myself about this issue. Obviously, I want to be able to get him off, and I'm struggling with "I'm not good enough" issues. Any partners dealt with this before? Advice?

I wish this community was more active. What's up, guys? Tell me something good.
10 comments|post comment

Dealing with emotional isuues of my partner [29 Sep 2010|05:00pm]
brittleebrooks
About a month a go my partner told me that she wanted to trans to male. Being her partner I'm providing as much support as I can. But it's difficult, because I don't know everything she's going through. One minute she'll be fine and then the next minute she'll be super upset. I don't always know what to do when this happens and sometime I don't feel like I can keep up with what she's feeling.

When we have sex she sometimes ends up extremely frustrated with herself due to lack of equiptment below the belt. I'm not exactly sure how to help there either, because she doesn't want to use a strap on. Her reasoning is it wouldn't be the same as if it were actually real.

I'm just really stressed with not know how to deal with everything. I feel really helpless, to be honest. And that helplessness doesn't sit well with me at all. I want to help, but sometimes I just don't see a way to help her through. Does anyone have any advice?
3 comments|post comment

Question... [23 Aug 2010|09:56pm]

reclusivewords
[ mood | confused ]

So, does anyone else have a partner like this?

My "wife" technically husband, refuses to come out to her/his family. (Not really sticking to specific pronouns, I may refer to him as her more often, because I am/have been a lesbian for quite some time.)

She says why bother ruining a relationship with them now, because, when she starts chaning they'll likely disown her anyways. So, I have come to terms with that. What I'm not understanding, is she wants to keep her breasts. She wants to take T though. And she wants to keep her breasts. She wants to be a "boy" but only in facial hair and body hair. She apparently read somewhere that taking T has some of the similar effects as taking steroids and so it's like a two for one in her mind. She can get the facial hair she wants, AND, have steroids so she'll get in shape? I dont understand her methods. I dont get her thoughts at all.

It's confusing and strange and I'm not sure how to take everything...

Please, any insight? Thanks in advance!


8 comments|post comment

introductions and questions [22 Aug 2010|01:46pm]

sleepyduck5
Hi everyone. I am the partner of a transman who has been on T for almost three months. I met and fell in love with him as an ftm, although at that point he was using gender neutral pronouns and not settled about whether to go on T or not. I was happy to support him through that decision and the process of coming out to friends and family (which is still going on) and had no qualms about the transition in terms of myself. Okay, that's not quite true... I was scared of his sexuality changing and not being attracted to me anymore. But I never identified as a lesbian and wasn't afraid of losing my queer identity. 

Cut to three months later and I'm really frightened and sad. He has needed more space and time apart lately, and part of that is a relationship pattern issue regardless of gender, but part of it is his needing to go inside himself more in order to process the changes in his body/interactions with the world/emotional landscape. I respect that that is a journey he needs to take by himself, and he does talk to me about how his body is changing and how he is processing emotions differently. He describes it as a new ability to compartmentalize, to see something as an issue and put it aside, to relate to his feelings with more control.  He is sad to be losing some understanding of my emotional experience but its absolutely worth it to him.  He's fascinated by the changes and I'm feeling less and less connected to him. I've been worrying for the past few days that I might be falling out of love with him, even as I love spending time with him andwe still have great sex and good moments of intimacy. 

Has anyone out there gone through a similar change in their partner's level of emotional availability? Could this be temporary? (I hear that some of the changes from T level out after a few months, and it will take some time for him to learn how to be vulnerable and sensitive again). Am I just not liking the distance because I'm afraid of losing him?  I'd love to hear any thoughts, ideas, comments, questions. Thanks!
2 comments|post comment

filmmaker seeks character insight [14 Aug 2010|07:44pm]

dan_mar
[ mood | inspired ]

hi guys,

i'm a filmmaker in the nyu graduate school of film looking for insight for a short film i'm writing:

when a young man searches for his childhood girlfriend after many years & learns "she" is a transgender man, their concept of friends, family, & love are challenged as they never thought possible.


Simply put, there is great potential here to tell a remarkably moving short story about breaking through the cultural limitations & expectations we impose on love.

As you can imagine, I am interested to speak with transmen -pre, post, or non op- who have cismale partners. I'd like to speak with both people in the couple to understand the truth of their emotions & relationship in order to get closer to the voices of the characters.
 
While the ideal couple is transmale with a cismale partner that was "previously" straight , I am especially interested in speaking with transmen in general about anything you want me to know in order to create characters that will ring true & emotionally moving for an audience.

Should you or anyone you know like to speak with me, I'd be delighted to do so via telephone or Skype. You can write me here at Lj.

i assure you this won't be a cheese ball after school special.

Thank you for reading.

cheers,

d.
19 comments|post comment

I NEED HELP BAD!!!! [08 Aug 2010|12:26am]

gla_jlp2010
[ mood | curious ]

so my name is geneva.. i am a lesbian.. i am in love with an ftm.. who is pre op pre t.. i am very nervous because i dont know if i can handle it, mainly because i fell in love with her as a woman.. i support my partner with everything.. but i am nervous because i dont know how to deal with the changes..

i will have trouble adjusting to pronouns, and names probably... and the fact that as two women we have an amazing sex life that will be altered with..

in some way i feel as though the change will mess with our feelings..

i have heard rumors about women starting t.. and i am scared that possibly her/his feelings will change..

this is hard for me.. and its going to be a big change.. but i love her/him.. and i guess i need a little push in the rite direction as to what i should possibly expect..

maybe some beginners advice??? please

-G

6 comments|post comment

Compensated Survery for all Gender Health Online! [04 Aug 2010|11:23am]
allgenderhealth
An online survey is being offered by the University of Minnesota for non-trans men who have sex with transgender men. $30 online gift certificates are being awarded for taking the survey. Go to https://www.allgenderhealth.org for more info. Check out the YouTube video below!


1 comment|post comment

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